"Double it, and I'll pretend to enjoy myself"

so this dude offered me $2500 to have sex with him. and i smiled and said "i don't think i'm comfortable with that type of situation." situation being he would take the role of the sugar daddy and pay me to go out dinners/lunches/general companionship, followed by two or three hours of sex. he would compensate me monetarily for my time over the course of several dates per month. how is this not prostitution? how is this not exploiting a situation/a woman?

i was somewhat surprised, especially since i don't understand the difficulties i have meeting reasonable dudes my own age. the key words being 'my own age.' i'm not into older dudes. at all. i don't think i could even begin to pretend to enjoy myself. i can only think of it as banging my uncle or one of my dad's friends. and there is absolutely no way that shit is ever going to happen. the only way i'm getting down with a 55 year old dude is when i'm a 55 year old chick.

i've been thinking about this for the few days since it was propositioned. not about going through with it (i cannot stress enough that there is absolutely no way that shit is ever going to happen), but more how i am perceived that a person would think its okay to ask me that.

i know there are a lot of girls who are involved in situations like this b/c they need money or help with rent/bills/etc. i've always thought girls who were voluntarily involved in sugar daddy type situations were either fucked up, lazy, or both. i'm neither. again, maybe that's why saying "no way!" wasn't even a decision.

then i got angry for a few hours. mostly angry about feeling exploited. yeah, i'm on my own, working two jobs to just scrape by, paying my way through school. clearly, i could use the money, but i don't think that i should get involved in what i consider an inappropriate (not to mention creepy and utterly disgusting) relationship for the sake of getting out of my situation. $2500 is twice as much as i make in a month. if i had money like that coming in, i would not have to work, and i could take more classes and focus on studying.

then i felt hurt. like i came off as weak, and this person is a predator, looking to take advantage of younger women who are in certain financial hardships. and i had previously thought of this person as friend b/c we hung out a two times, purely platonic (again, dude is like my uncle or one of my dad's friends), but that was so he could 'evaluate' me to see if i would be some one he'd be interested in supporting in exchange for a relationship.

then i felt shame.

it blows my mind that some people have money to burn on stuff like this.

i can't begin to imagine how awful i'd feel about myself if i actually went through with something like this. acutally i can. i would feel nothing but hatred. hatred in my heart. hatred for myself, and hatred for men.