three recent dreams

I have not been sleeping very well. It is from stress and makes me more, well, stressed. If I do sleep, I don't stay asleep for very long, but I do go to dream stage and I remember the dreams since I wake up so frequently.

I have been having a lot of "naked" dreams. I am usually wearing pants, but no shirt. And I feel shame and fear in the dream.

I had three dreams recently that stood out:

1. I received a phone call. The male voice on the other end said "he wants you to stop looking at his page." I asked, "who is this? how did you get this number?" The male voice told me he was Josh, my exes friend, and G asked him to call me to say that I was not to look him or his new girlfriend up online/fb anymore. I immediately became defensive. I hadn't been looking him up online! I was moved on!

I don't know what the underlying meaning of this dream was, but the most intense feeling I had was when I was defending myself against something I did not do. I think that ultimately, that is what my subconscious was trying to sort out...integrity, truth-finding, facts.

2. I went to the pool for lap swim, and when I walked onto the deck, there was a huge event happening! Kind of like "punk-rock bowling" but with swimming. It was a huge fest of all the usual suspects/bands, but they were competing in a swim and dive meet. Seriously, EVERYONE was there. I remember in slow motion, seeing Little Dave on the 1m springboard, executing an inward swan dive, and his forehead smacking squarely on the end of the board. The rest of the Arrivals were there. I saw a bunch of people from the west coast/San Diego. Jesse and the Tomato. EVERYONE! There was a VIP area on a second level that had some tables set up. There was a velvet rope. I walked up the stairs and asked the man guarding the rope if I could sit and order some brunch. He let me in. I ordered a mimosa and looked out on the huge mob along the pool deck. Everyone was just partying and slamming beers and being rowdy and laughing and having fun. No one took notice of me. I had no idea this event was even going on, and I had certainly not been invited.

I think that the underlying meaning of this dream is that I am really fucking depressed. And I feel alone.


3. This one was strange. It was not a sex dream, but it totally was. I woke up on the floor amongst the remnants of a rager of a house party. There were several people passed out on the couch/chairs and on the floor around me. One was a a girl named Noa, who had hooked up with Ryan the night prior. I wanted a threesome with them, but when we went to leave the house, my bike chain was broken and they took off into the woods without me. I ran as fast as could into the woods and up a hill to an abandoned mansion. The whole place was painted white on the outside and on the inside. All the walls, carpet, linens, furniture, everything was white. There were people everywhere. It was a drug house/party house. It had hundreds of rooms. I went through every room, past hundreds of people, looking for them, but I never found them.

I think I am frustrated that I am looking but not finding. Or that there is never a mutual attraction. I'm also kinda waaay appalled my men/sex lately. Definitely in an asexual phase. Completely uninterested, completely utterly grossed-out. Definitely related to the depression.