Death by Gluteraldehyde

This afternoon when I opened the lid of one of the cold sterile tanks to get a denture brush, there was a HUGE, HAIRY, FAT FLY floating on top!

It was so gross, but so awesome!

All the office-girls came to see it.

We have no idea how it managed to get into the tank because the lid is always closed.

amazeballz

Today was kinda sorta amazeballs! Nothing super awesome happened specifically, but there was just a lot of quirky/memorable moments, including:

1. I was suuuuuper tired this morning and my brain was foggy. So I decided to drink coffee. This is, literally, the second time in my life I have ever drank coffee. I had just a shot. I did catch a buzz, but I don't know if it was from the caffeine, or from the whole pack of sugar and all the chocolate syrup I added.

2. My last patient was a riot. His name was Adrian, and I all I could think was Sly yelling, "Aaaaaaaaadrian!"

3. Dr. S sternly said, "Susan! Can you come here (into my office), please." There was the usual look of utter horror on my face ("Oh, shit what?!") for a half a second. But I wasn't in trouble. Dr. S gave me a very generous gift certificate to buy some items for my new house. Awesome!

4. I accidentally said "You don't want to suck it [blood clot] off" to a patient. "You don't want to suck it off." I think he noticed.

5. I had to take a CT-Scan of an object. There is a little platform that I placed into the chin cup and then set the object on the platform. I turned on the alignment lights to get the object in the cross-hairs and started to raise seat, because that is how a patient sitting in the CT machine would have been aligned. After a few seconds, I realized that the object was not being centered and I couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong because I was seeing the seat move! But the chin cup/platform wasn't attached to the seat anyway! I started laughing SO LOUD! What a bone-head!

6. Not cool, but in the past two weeks, there have been three patients (two female, one male - no relation whatsoever) who have come in with warts IN their mouth, and we had to biopsy them. We had to tell of of the women yesterday that she had cancer.

too late to the party

I first posted about a robin that had been trying to fly into the windows at my parents' house on April 9. Well, the bird is STILL trying to get into the house. It just keeps crashing into the glass. I put tape on the panes; didn't deter. I duct-taped towels to the panes; didn't deter. It is quite amazing that this bird 1. has been so persistent, 2. has not learned that it can't fly through the glass, 3. continued to fly into the boarded-up windows, 4. has not knocked itself out yet.

It is def too late in the season for it to build a nest/reproduce. I kinda feel bad for it because it does fly up sometimes with little sticks in its mouth. The windows are dirty/scratched up from the constant crashing, and the deck is covered with that weird liquid white bird shit.

sentimenal value

On thing that is always fun about moving is finding a box of keepsakes tucked away. I found a box full of ticket stubs, letters, photos, clippings, etc that I hadn't looked at in probably over three years.

It's amazing, that even though I haven't really thought about items, as soon as I saw the photo or the ticket stub or read the letter/card, I could immediately recall the time it was taken, the show experience, or the events to which the letter referred, etc.

One item from the box that stuck out specifically is this photo:

It is Shawn and I (I am the busty one. HA!) on a "friend" ship. Shawn drew this picture for me on the back of Delilah's whiskey menu. Roy and I were at Delilah's for usual Monday night jack-assery, Shawn was behind the bar. The evening culminated with all three of us, Lauren, and another girl in the photo booth at Liar's Club at 4am. I puked at worked during a surgery the next day.

don't call it a comeback

I bought a house today. I'm kinda super excited about it, but also kinda super anxious about it. I have been scratching myself in my sleep from the stress, and I have open sores, mostly on my torso, especially my sternum, and there is one spot on my left foot (which is so weird to me).

I have not moved in yet. I have a bitchin' migraine, which this is two days in a row. It sucks. I wanted to go to a house party tonight, but I feel like I could puke. I want quiet and darkness. And a back/scalp massage. But that is not going to happen. I have been wearing my bite splint, but I'm still just clenched on it so hard. My temporal muscles are just spastic.

I bought a painting from Brett today. It it a (sac-religious) portrait of Jesus, that I will hang in the kitchen. I'd also like to buy a painting from Bookmate. Probably one of this bird pieces. I like birds. Want to get a few more, too; have been thinking about some people at the tattoo shop who have paintings for sale. I also have a bunch of photos from my own portfolio, and a whole roll of film to be developed.

I have a case of twenty picture frames (black, with glass) that I found in the dumpster at work. I also have an old wooden frame I picked up from the curb on large-trash day, and my grandma in KCMO gave me another twenty or so quirky/unique frames that are small.

Hopefully, I'm not feeling so sick tomorrow and will have a chance to do a little cleaning and then start taking my stuff over. I will post pics when I'm moved in.

dirty jokes v5.22

Courtesy of a 78 year old female patient this morning:

Q: "How are breasts and cocktails similiar?"

A: "One is never enough, and three are too many!"

I hope you like dirty jokes, because that's all I know.

three recent dreams

I have not been sleeping very well. It is from stress and makes me more, well, stressed. If I do sleep, I don't stay asleep for very long, but I do go to dream stage and I remember the dreams since I wake up so frequently.

I have been having a lot of "naked" dreams. I am usually wearing pants, but no shirt. And I feel shame and fear in the dream.

I had three dreams recently that stood out:

1. I received a phone call. The male voice on the other end said "he wants you to stop looking at his page." I asked, "who is this? how did you get this number?" The male voice told me he was Josh, my exes friend, and G asked him to call me to say that I was not to look him or his new girlfriend up online/fb anymore. I immediately became defensive. I hadn't been looking him up online! I was moved on!

I don't know what the underlying meaning of this dream was, but the most intense feeling I had was when I was defending myself against something I did not do. I think that ultimately, that is what my subconscious was trying to sort out...integrity, truth-finding, facts.

2. I went to the pool for lap swim, and when I walked onto the deck, there was a huge event happening! Kind of like "punk-rock bowling" but with swimming. It was a huge fest of all the usual suspects/bands, but they were competing in a swim and dive meet. Seriously, EVERYONE was there. I remember in slow motion, seeing Little Dave on the 1m springboard, executing an inward swan dive, and his forehead smacking squarely on the end of the board. The rest of the Arrivals were there. I saw a bunch of people from the west coast/San Diego. Jesse and the Tomato. EVERYONE! There was a VIP area on a second level that had some tables set up. There was a velvet rope. I walked up the stairs and asked the man guarding the rope if I could sit and order some brunch. He let me in. I ordered a mimosa and looked out on the huge mob along the pool deck. Everyone was just partying and slamming beers and being rowdy and laughing and having fun. No one took notice of me. I had no idea this event was even going on, and I had certainly not been invited.

I think that the underlying meaning of this dream is that I am really fucking depressed. And I feel alone.


3. This one was strange. It was not a sex dream, but it totally was. I woke up on the floor amongst the remnants of a rager of a house party. There were several people passed out on the couch/chairs and on the floor around me. One was a a girl named Noa, who had hooked up with Ryan the night prior. I wanted a threesome with them, but when we went to leave the house, my bike chain was broken and they took off into the woods without me. I ran as fast as could into the woods and up a hill to an abandoned mansion. The whole place was painted white on the outside and on the inside. All the walls, carpet, linens, furniture, everything was white. There were people everywhere. It was a drug house/party house. It had hundreds of rooms. I went through every room, past hundreds of people, looking for them, but I never found them.

I think I am frustrated that I am looking but not finding. Or that there is never a mutual attraction. I'm also kinda waaay appalled my men/sex lately. Definitely in an asexual phase. Completely uninterested, completely utterly grossed-out. Definitely related to the depression.

the vent

So, we've had our third assistant for a few weeks, and I'm pretty unhappy about it. In fact, I almost didn't even go in to work today. I'm nervous about buying the house because I am suddenly so unhappy with work that I want to quit and I don't want to have the burden of the house.

Yesterday, as I was cleaning up after the last surgery, H (the third assistant) told me that next week she was only going to have to leave early for her son's baseball games three days (we only work four days each week). I looked her square in the face and very calmly said, "I just want you to know that before you came back to work with us, Susan C had a meeting with Kelly and me. We were told that you would be coming back to work here, and we were told that this kind of behavior would not be happening this time."

She immediately took off for the front office and was in Susan's office for about ten minutes.

I was utterly exhausted. Then when I went to leave, I noticed that we were not set up for the next day. I WAS FUCKING PISSED! It was already one hour and fifteen minutes past quitting time. My blood sugar was low, I was tired. So I went to the break room and got a snack then came back and got everything ready like we are supposed to do before we leave. (H should have done this since I was first assistant on the last appointment. I assumed that it was all done, especially since she wanted to jet out early.)

I clocked out. I have missed my group exercise class, which is something I really look forward to. It's not a husband, or a child, but that doesn't mean that it's not important to me or that I can just stay late every night.

I started crying in the parking lot. I didn't want to go home. I called Christy. Her husband was working at the hospital, and I went over to her house for some company. We ate some dinner and talked and I did feel better. We didn't just talk about work, either.

I got home about ten, didn't fall asleep until a little after 11, woke up at 2:20 and never went back to sleep. At 5am, since I was so awake, I decided to get up and go work out, especially since I didn't get to go the night before and because I knew that H had already penciled herself out of the schedule early this afternoon.

It's such fucking bullshit. Kelly was on time this morning as well. I told her that H and I had a little exchange this night before, just to be aware of that. Kelly is pretty frustrated with the situation as well.

When we had our meeting with Susan, we were told that we were lagging with just the two of us and things were not getting done. SO Dr. S was bringing H back as a third. Both Kelly and I think that what really happened it that H had been begging for her job back since she quit last year, and he finally gave in. Because Kelly and I were never informed that we were lagging. We were never corrected on things that were being done incompletely or wrongly. When asked, no one could give specific examples.

I was actually bored, and was going to ask for more work. Now I'm really bored.

And I'm not happy. It is that same shit it was before. H comes in late and has to leave early. She doesn't want to work. I catch her on her cell phone every single time I go in the back to get something. She leaves early for lunch. The first week, she asked me twice if it she could leave early and I gave her static. Then she stopped asking me/telling me and just started to leave. With work still to be done. And she is messy. There is a back office that is a common space for 5 people. She has papers and catalogs and shipping materials all over the desk. She doesn't follow through with cleaning her instruments, or with putting the room back the way its supposed to me. She is also quite rude. If I am using a computer and she needs it, she will come in and say, "move. i need to use the computer." FUCK!! ME!! I'm emailing xrays. You will have to wait until I'm done or go to another station.

I'm so sick of this. I want out.

lyrics in my head

If you want to burn yourself
Remember that I love you.

If you want to cut yourself
Remember that I love you.

If you want to kill yourslef
Remember that I love you.

two photos of the flood

Pedaled to the levee today for a total of 23 miles. Took a while because I was stopping to look at rad stuff and take photos. The flood water has definitely receded some, the water was over the road as recently as two weeks ago that I saw. Here are two photos from today:

paper planes

Mostly just posting for myself for later.

Look up paper airplane world record holder.

Was just on Conan, and it was hilarious.

Unrelated, I hate that "every kiss begins with kay" jingle.

rad vegan shit

I was very productive at work today. Not that ione can really be unproductive when I performing/assisting in surgery. But, I was alert and in a good mood, which surprised me since I went out last night.

J.D.'s wife and kid are out of town, so he wanted to do rad vegan stuff with me since he had a rare evening free. So we met up for vegan buffet at Gokul and I ate my weight in ALL the items. Then we went to Pin-Up for some cocktails. Now....I've been sober for almost two months, and I was unsure if I wanted to get an alcoholic drink. There was one NA item available, but I was not interested in paying $4.50. So I ordered a fancy screwdriver. That was not the name of it on the menu, but it was vodka and mango juice with an orange twist. Served in a frosted Martini glass. I sucked it down and despite all the food in my belly, caught quite a buzz.

We joked with the bartenders and played some sweet 90s alt rock on the jukebox.

Then we walked to vintage vinyl. I was interested in buying the new Bronx record, but it was not on wax, just CD, and for $12. I wasn't bitin'. There was some some sweet soul tunes playing over the house system, and we were awkwardly (white folks) dancing.

I was home and in bed by 1045pm. It was a wonderful eveing with a good friend. I owe him, so we will havve to def rad vegan meet-up again.

Then today at work, a 91 year old female patient comes in wearing a hip brown pleather jacket, complete with biker collar.

Shw had gotten lost on the way to our office, and so (per her request) I drew her a map and gave her directions to the highway.

I told her when she gets to the stoplight, just go straight on through! She said, "even if the light isn't green?"

"Whoa! Watch out, you guys! We have a jokester here!!"

She called me 20 min later from her house to say thank you for the accurate directions..

I went to boxing after work. Sometimes I'm a little stressed, or tired, or unmotivated, but I fell so much better when I do go workout. The instructor was super cute. ALL the instructors have been good-looking, but this one...for me at least...had a little "spark."

office-girls will be office-girls

Today at work, a home inspector was to swing by the office to pick up cash money from me for payment for a home inspection. I left an envelope at the front desk with the cash in it (By the way, I am getting more and more comfortable talking to people about money, and I even negotiated $50 fee reduction by asking if I paid in cash vs credit card).

So the inspector came by early in the morning, I was in an exam room with a patient, but not scrubbed in. The office manager came back and told me the inspector was here and asked if I was available. (more on THIS later). She had a look on her face, and I asked, "Is he good-looking?"

Her response, a loud, "OOOOOOOOH, BABY!"

So I turned a bright shade of red as I approached the front desk and goodness gracious me, was this guy handsome!

We spoke for several minutes about the inspection and went over some details.

As soon as he left the office, the office manager, another girl up at the desk, and I immediately started talking about how handsome he was and laughing. The front door opened again right after he closed it on his way out, and we all jerked upright right way and fell dead silent because we thought he was coming back in!! But it was some one else, and we all started laughing again!

OK, a few funny things we joked about for the rest of the day include:

1. He asked if I was available (to go over the inspection details). "Oh, she's available all right!"

2. When my boss said, "OOOOOOOOH, BABY!" to me in a back exam room, the rest of the office/building was so quiet that the girl at the font desk heard it and the man was standing right in front of her. The girl knew exactly what the boss was referring to and started laughing. I'm sure the man knew, too.

3. I have no poker face whatsoever.

Boys on Bikes

Drove by to check out the new roof. I don't really know much about stuff like that...."OK. Yeah, there is a roof and shingles."

Two blocks north is a Sno-Balls snow-cone stand, which is super awesome! I love black cherry flavored syrup.

Also, super cute boys on bikes. Black cut-off sleeves with super-toned arms. Dark cut-off shorts that were just the right amount of tight. You make me smile, and I can't wait to move to the neighborhood!