fun with accents

1. R.I.P. Black Speedo Backpack. We went on some great adventures together all over the country, and even overseas. You helped me get my gear to some great meets, and you were reliable to the end.

2. My doc put me on a blood pressure medicine for one of the side effects. My androgen level is out of whack. Mostly I pee a lot. I'm already mildly dehydrated from the exercise alone.

3. When I went to the pharmacy to fill the Rx, the tech was West African and had quite a heavy accent. When she called my name over the loudspeaker, the "r" was nowhere to be heard, and it literally was "FUKIN" with the accent on a long, drawn out "U".

FUUUUGH-KIN.

I laughed.

online adventure

AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAAAAHHAHHAHAHAHA! Wow. So I've had my online dating profile up for less than 24 hours, and I already want to take it down!

These dudes are sooooo fucking ridic! Yes, worthy of ridicule!

"Hey gorgeous, wanna chat?"

"Hey beautiful, how was your weekend?"

WTF? I don't even respond.

The more I think about it, the more I realize that

1. My tolerance for bullshit gets less and less each year

2. I am really starting to get set in my ways, and its only going to get harder to adjust to not being alone

3. I don't mind being alone, actually.

Unrelated note, the sunset last night was spectacular. Orange/purple/pink blowout. My favorite. See my calf sleeve for confirmation.

untitled

Yesterday was 'aight.

Quite productive now that I am recapping, even though I dind't make it out of the house until late late.

I did spend a lot of time in the afternoon looking up stuff online....still gunning for a house to purchase. I have several in the running; lots of new listings. I am anxious to speak to the loan officer at the credit union on Monday.

I also spent a lot a time on various pro photo blogs. I'm getting excited! Winter is such a beautiful season, and I love shooting at night. The sky is usually more clear, and I love when the street looks wet, lots of glare, and when there is snow! Its just such a nice juxtaposition and mix of color temps.

I went ice skating with wiener dog at Steinberg. It was super crowded, but an enjoyable outing. Only $6 because I have my own skates.

Stopped off at the casino on the way home. Perhaps a mistake. Lost the $60 I won last week in about 40 minutes. I was really hoping to be out of the house for a bit longer than that, but I guess it wasn't in the cards. (I'm not sorry).

Texted some people about organizing for a road trip to see some bands next weekend.

Also fired up my online dating profile again. It's soooo stupid. I feel like a total wiener. I quickly glanced through the first three or so pages of my search results, and there was NO ONE I was even remotely interested in contacting. All the dudes on match were super old, and the vibe I got from the other site was more hook-up, not serious.

So, I have, for the time being, decided to leave the profile up. I will not actively pursue anyone, but if some guy contacts me and I'm interested, I will respond. That was my strategy with Bryan, and although that turned out to be a bust, I don't regret it.

I'm kinda sorta hoping that Matt wants to hang out with me again. I know he was disappointed that I kinda ditched him to hang out with Bryan, but he also knows that I sincerely want some one to take me seriously, I desire something more tangible, and that is not the situation that we had. I have tested the waters a bit that past week. He does respond to my texts, but no meet-ups yet. I did see him at a show a few weeks ago, and waved and said hi.

So far today I have been unmotivated to get out of the house. Even though it is sunny the air temp is quite brisk!

Happy Thanksgiving

I went to the boxing gym this morning and pummeled that heavy bag again. I think I might have over-done it this week....went on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday after work, then Thursday morning. Definitely am sore/tired, but it feel good.

I purchased two faux turkeys and a vegan pumpkin pie earlier in the week. I put the faux turkeys in the oven before leaving for the gym, and they were ready when I got home. The kitchen smelled delicious!

The pie was excellent, great texture, nice flaky crust, and a nice pumpkin spice taste to the filling.

Also: Thankful for this song, this video, this memory, the happy times watching this video or hearing this song invokes, punk rock brethern, the "whoa ohs" that go on and on and on an on and on! Gives me chills everytime. If you don't know by now, you never will. If you know where to look, I'm in there, dancing with a penguin.

Simple Pleasures v.11-21

Beautiful fog this morning. Simple Pleasures.

exercise exorcise

I swear I almost orgasmed tonight at boxing. I was working SO HARD! Sweat drenched clothes, hair, glistening arms and legs. I was burning out on the heavy bag, exhausted, and hit it harder as the clock ran down, and I felt like I was about to burst!

I joined the boxing gym to get the aggression out, and I definitely do/did, but I still have a lot of pent-up energy.

Hike of White Rock Nature Preserve

I (finally) made it to White Rock Nature Preserve today. It was a gorgeous afternoon. The bluffs looked beautiful. There was lots of red foliage remaining on some trees, a clear blue sky, and a slight crispness to the air. I was on the trail roughly 105 minutes, and I encountered no other hikers.

View from the parking lot:

To access the trailhead, I had to walk north from the parking lot about 300 feet, then take a private road (including walking over a badass old wooden bridge) to the trail head.

Once through the gate, there was a climb on the White Mine Trail to an area named Madeline's rest, where there were some benches, an information board about the history of the area and some various animals that might be seen.

Some 'shrooms:

I loved the velvet-like texture of the moss on this log:

The White Mine Trail continued up to the top of the bluff to the North/South Ridge Trail. I first headed north to the end. There was a nice little separation in the treeline, and I had a great view of the American Bottoms.

I then backtracked and headed along the South Ridge Trail to the end of that. That portion ended at a Hill Prairie rehab site. It was still a nice view.

I was in the woods most of the time, which is fine, but it wasn't terribly scenic due to the season. Most of the leaves had fallen off the trees and so the trail was just a bunch of brown leaves and bare trees. I actually like the bare trees. It was still a pleasant hike. I'm definitely interested in returning. Would be good in the springtime or earlier in fall. I found it an easier go than Salk Lick, but still relatively challenging due to the initial climbs up the bluff.





Some more pics from the hike:

Despicable He

So....this is probably the second most awful thing my bro has ever done.

I don't know if I wrote about what I consider to be the first most awful.

Here they both are, you can decide. Also, if you are considering trying heroin, please don't. It will destroy everything.

Back story: My bro went out and got himself addicted to heroin about five years ago.

First story: After two prior failed rehab stents, my bro called my mom and said that he was ready to quit for good and he was asking for their help in getting him to a rehab facility. There was a facility in Colorado that would take him, and my parents bought last minute airfare for my bro and my dad to leave immediately.

He was there a few days, and we got a call from the facility that he had gotten into trouble for using the phone without permission. So my mom spoke to my bro and he said he had called his girlfriend (who is also addicted to heroin, of course) because prior to coming to my parents for help to get into rehab again, he had stolen money from her. My parents and my bro came to an agreement with the girlfriend, that my mom would pay her back what my brother stole and in return, she would sever ties with him because he was going to get clean. So my mom gave her a check for $600. She cashed it, it cleared. She called my bro at the rehab and he decided to leave the facility. He hitch-hiked home in two days time, went straight to Sara's house, and they spend the $600.

Second story: Just last night, my mom was cleaning the house and getting ready to host Thanksgiving dinner. For Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners, we eat on the china and silver that my parents' received as a wedding gift over 30 years ago. But the silver wasn't in the box!! My mom confronted my brother about it, and he straight up confessed to selling it all for money to buy heroin about six months ago.

I'm pretty numb to the whole situation. I definitely hate being a part of this family right now, and it all can all be traced back to my brother's heroin addiction.

Thursday Night Show Re-Cap

The Copyrights played here last night, and while I enjoyed the show, I was super disappointed about how a certain altercation unfolded.

The show was set-up last minute at FUBAR, and when I showed up, there was lot of cars parked on the street and a lot of young dudes in black metal face paint posted up outside. I also saw Noel outside, smoking, and I went over to say hello.

I asked him if the show was legit, or if this was some bullshit bill with like 8 bands, 6 of which were going to be high school kids? He said it was legit. The show I was there to see was on the lounge side, and some usual metal show on the venue side.

So I went in as Better Days for just starting. Travis is exciting to watch play, and I have an innocent crush on Chris Ve. After Better Days were Haddonfields. Not their best, but fine for what it was...a last minute opening slot on a Thursday.

Copyrights plated third, and I was so excited! I was up near the front, standing next to Ashley, dancing and singing along to all the songs. Ronnie Arrival was their tour drummer and he played SO FAST!! It. Was. Badass.

Several songs in to their set, a kid in face paint from the other show came to the lounge side. He had a beer and was spraying it around and was being an idiot about the place, pushing people who were just trying to watch the show and have a good time. I took a hit to the left side of my head/face and all over my left shoulder/chest. Mildly frustrating because I had washed me hair prior to coming to the show, and I didn't want to have to wash it again in a few hours before work.

So this kid is aggrevating the rest of us for probably four songs....so a good ten minutes, then the next thing I know, some one dives for him and the two are air born onto the stage/right into Kevin on stage left. The mics get knocked off the stand, I see fists punching, and the band actually stops in the middle of the song.

Allegedly, this kid had hit Travis' girlfriend Esther, and Travis retaliated. There was at least one guy holding the younger kid in face paint back because he was obviously trying to fight back. Esther came up to him and spit in his face.

I was really disappointed with the outcome of this ordeal. Travis apologized to the band, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. But he punched my girlfriend." Adam said he understood, forget about it, and they started back up with the next song. I was pretty distracted for the next few songs, but got back into the set. They played Kids of the Black Hole, which is fuckin' jam. I'm glad She Turns It Up wasn't on the set list, because I fucking hate that song.

Two Cow played last. I stayed for maybe half their set. I liked it okay. Matt loves that band, and he told me they are def an acquired taste, and I have to agree with him.

I said goodbye to Brett and Kevin before I left, thanked them for coming here to play, then wished them a safe travel home. Also had a nice conversation with Clarkson Sr. Still a forever favorite. He is currently sober as well.

I'm have been processing the fight all day. Yeah, the kid was being a fucking nuisance, and I'm doubtful that he singled Esther out as a female and hit her out of violence toward women. It was low of her to spit on him. I was also put-off by Travis' decision to resort to punches. I'm was put-off by the fact that security was nowhere to be found. Sure, the usual suspects were at the show. We're all at least 30 years old and know how to handle our shit. But I'm surprised that this kid was allowed to go like that for as long as he did, then have the situation blow up into what it did.

When all is said and done, though, I did have a good time. I like watching The Copyrights perform. I was slightly hoarse from singing along. And like I said, Ronnie Arrival was a real treat on this tour!

They did not play Let's Get The Fuck Outta Here, which I can't even recall the last time I saw that song performed live. I thought it would've been appropriate for this show considering the altercation and also Adam's general dislike of STL.

They did not play this song, which is a shame, because it's a total jam:

mid-week summary

I'm feeling exceptionally angsty and angry today. I don't understand why, because I went to the boxing gym this morning and pummeled the shit out of the heavy bag. The trainer even said to me, "You need to relax. Don't be so tense." I said, "I know I'm tense! That's why I'm here."

I have forgot to bring clean underwear for when I'm done working out, shower, and have to go straight in to work. Twice. So I have gone commando until I get to work, launder my work out clothes, then put the clean underwear back on. No big whoop. Today, though, I forgot my bra. It was incredibly uncomfortable. Going bra-less is something I just cannot do! So as soon as I got to work, I laundered my workout clothes, then when they were dry, I put my sport bra on. Not the most comfortable item to wear all day, but more comforting and supportive than goins sans bra!

I mde some really nice temporary teeth for one of the patient's this afternoon. It looked really nice. I enjoy using my hands and take pride in my work.

I'm not looking forward to the holidays. I'm just lonely and miserable and the holidays remind me of that. I almost started crying this afternoon at work when I found myself in the OR by myself. I did start crying a little bit just now.

Right now, if I had access to a pool, I would jump into the deep end, dive all the way to the bottom, and scream as loud as possible until no more air bubbles would be able to escape from my lungs. No one would be able to hear me scream.

I also hate sitting in traffic. Thank goodness sweet apartment is close to work.

"Fuck you this place is dead anyway!" Aka all tiltwheel all the time!

Simple Pleasures

I love a crisp winter night and the smell of wood burning in the fireplace.

undefined v11.11

"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result."

Life is too short and the day too beautiful to be depressed and feel like shit all the time.

I made it out of the house. Was pretty unmotivated to ride due to extreme winds but did go to the driving range and hit balls for 80 minutes. This was my first golf outing since this time last year. I was still pretty consistent with all my irons and the pitching wedge. Did not even try the driver or woods, which is fine. Not all shots are 200yds anyway.

I met up with Colleen and Karen for Colleen's brother's birthday party at a bowling alley and we bowled two games. It was a fun time. Karen won the first game, and I won the second. I bowled 104 the first time, and 128 the second time, including two strikes in a row! Choked on the chance for a turkey.

After, I was on the fence about going to the casino. I have been getting really bad migraine headaches again, and I could feel that one was coming on, but I swung by anyway, mostly because I had some coupons for table games. I ended up with $150 in a little over an hour, and I only bought in for $60, so I was up $90. I did something that I usually do not do, and that is leave while I was ahead. I got the eff outta there and felt good about myself. Although as soon as I got to my car and started to drive, the headlights of the oncoming cars were making my head hurt so bad. I thought I was going to puke as I pulled onto my street, and then I saw my brother walking on the shoulder and I picked him up. He super smelled like smoke.

I'm looking forward to boxing class tomorrow.

On Friday, I called Andrew to meet up for lunch, and he was feeling okay and is mobile enough that he was allowed to leave the house. He wanted to picked up one of his friends to join us, and the two of them got high then just played on their phones the time and were discussing ways to get more followers on their various social media pages. Obnoxious. The friend, Chuck, told us that he had started dating a girl because she hit him up online after he 'liked' a photo that she was in on Instagram. She texted him that she had been crying since 4am, which was when he sent a sarcastic tweet about a joke about a friend following girls' twitter feeds. It was a gorgeous day, we sat outside in the sun, but I felt like a fucking idiot. Then they were talking about how lucky Chuck was because his girl would never ask him to go hiking or kayaking or shit like that!! Again, I felt like an idiot sitting there listening to this! I'm glad, though, that Andrew is getting better. He did give me a hug and thank me for calling him. This was the second time he's been out of the house since his accident. He gets tired very quickly and was ready for a nap after.

I'm still quietly pensive. I really want to go ice skating, and I really want to see Bryan in his new winter jacket and coat; I really like his fresh street style. But that is not going to happen, and I accept that reality.

My patience is running thin. I feel like it should be spring time and I have been holed up at home all winter and ready to break out. I feel a major bender coming on.

"I can't take/this bullshit/It's got to fucking quit/I can't drag myself through another day"

Copyrights are playing here on Thursday! So....that's something to look forward to.

weekend recap

Friday night I went to Lemmons to see Nato and Co. Big Parker was the tour drummer, and it was nice to say hello and catch up. There was a lot of people at the show, and it made me feel good that several people asked me where I've been...they noticed that I haven't been hanging out. I still was not feeling well, though, and abstained from alcohol.

On Saturday, I was debating between going up to Chi for Bookmate's solo opening and to see Rootbeer for his birthday. I asked my bro to go with me, but he had other plans. No big deal; I had agreed to play at a trivia event with Karen and some others that night anyway. It was also a costume event. We dressed up as characters from the classic board game Clue, but didn't win the costume contest. We did, however, win second place overall and $300 prize money. We were only one point from first place. I need to be more aggressive about my answers. I didn't push enough for one of the answers, "methane" and we got it wrong. This happened at a separate event. I knew the answer was "Treasure Island" but the team voted it down.

Today I spent a lot of time online searching for real estate. I'm going to choose to build my own house. I found a vacant lot in an area I want that is also near my work. I can afford the lot. I don't know if I can afford the construction. I looked at several prefab home websites, and I saw some really interesting floor plans. Green construction, too! I'm exciited about it!! Some one from the building company will be contacting me within two days to answer my questions. I hope this can come to fruition.

I bought some peppermint tea at the store tonight. There was some text on the side of the package: The first cup moistens my lips and throat. The second cup shatters my lonliness. The this causes the wrongs of this life to fade gently from recollection. The fourth purifies my soul. The fifth lifts me to the realms of the unwinking gods."

Feeling MPLS again

Burn down the house and move to...Minnesota?

Three days ago my sweet dude broke it off via text message, which only adds insult to injury. Even though I suspected this was a long time coming, I genuinely thought maybe he really was just busy getting his art show paintings finished. Denial is a powerful thing.

I've been quietly pensive about it, and as of this posting have not responded to the text message.

I did however, join a boxing gym and find a sweet apartment that will let me lease month to month.

I cannot find a video of Hold Tight! performing 'Brother Bear' to enclose at the end of this post.

"Why can't you look me in the eye and tell me all the reasons that I'm not worth a damn to you?"

Happy Birthday, Baby Bro

Happy Birthday, Young Loud Scotty. I miss having you around and you are always on my mind.