Dirty Jokes v7.12

Dr S has been laughing for two weeks about this. When he laughs, it makes me laugh, too. And then he laughs more.

A little bit of back story: At work, we know with which patients we can joke around and which ones we can't. Sometimes when we are done with placing an implant on a man, Dr S will tell the patient, "The ladies all get t-shirts that say, 'I got screwed by Dr S and I have the smile to prove it.'" There are two other variations of: I got screwed by Dr S and it was over before I knew it" or "...I didn't feel a thing." The men think this is hilarious. Sometimes Dr S will tell the ladies that they will get a t-shirt. Again, we know who can take jokes and who can't. The office manager even had about ten shirts screened with this text on it!! The few people who have them seriously think its, like, the funniest thing ever. And I admit, I think it is kinda funny, too.

So, last week we placed an implant on this lady and Dr S tells her the joke when we're done. I took her up to the front and also asked the next patient to come on back. The second patient, SG, was super nervous and had eaten 15mg of Diazepam and was suuuuuuper sedated. So I get her standing and she takes my arm for support. The first patient, JH, turns and asks, "Oh! Are you having an implant, too? You'll be fine! Just make sure that doctor wears a condom!"

I was absolutely horrified (even though it was hilarious! My eyes got big and I started laughing nervously! The two ladies working at the front desk were also laughing nervously. My patient just stood there, unamused, mouth agape, drooling she was so heavily sedated. She was def one of the ones we know we can't joke with! And here she is, practically incapacitated with benzos, and this lady is pretty much ttelling her that Dr S is going to...screw her.

So at the end of the day, I was up at the desk with Dr S and our office manager and I told them the story about what JH said to SG earlier that morning. Then the office manager said totally deadpan, "Don't worry. There's never been any disease transmission with this bone."

And we have all been laughing about this for two weeks plus. I'm laughing about it right now as I'm typing. I'm sure its funnier to me than it is to you, reader.

Pedal Report: Bambi Prix

Went out to the levee on Ex-Girlfriend super early before the temps got too hot. The usual loop, or i guess now awkward in/out because of shitty dog owners. On my way back in, I crested the levee and I saw a fawn sitting in the grass near a corn field. As I approached, I could see him tracking me. Then I saw a second fawn step out of the corn field, and they both started running toward me!

At first I was taken aback and nervous. I have heard stories of stags taking out bikers during certain times of the years, but these two little guys still had their white spring spots. So I made some noise and yelled a little bit to try to scare them away. But they just kept running.

I slowed down to admire. They paced alongside me, about ten yards away. They took two regular running steps then one giant leap. Two regular running steps then one giant leap. Two regular running steps then one giant leap. They got such air time with the leaps and were so smooth with their movements that it seemed like it was happening in slo-mo. Majestic!

They just wanted to play! They ran alongside me for about 200 yards until we got to the end of the levee.

Womb-mates

I had another nightmare on Friday night. In the dream, my brother died of a heroin overdose. The police officer told us he was found under the Kingshighway overpass, and he was all alone and had been there for a while. I started screaming!!!!! And I thought, I just drove over that bridge earlier that day and he was down there the whole time! We all knew this was going to happen, and I was surprised that I was so upset about it.

When I woke up, I (obviously) remembered the dream and was really upset for the rest of the day about it. Even the feelings I remember in the dream...the surprise at being upset about it even though we all knew it was an inevitable. The strange feeling when I thought, "wow, I just drove over that bridge!" And the extreme sadness and utter heartbreak of losing my brother. I love him so much, and I don't want him to leave like this!

I went out on Ex-Girlfriend for a few hours this morning and then just hung around the house in the afternoon. Dad phoned me and said that I needed to take him to Valley Park. The VPPD called and Scott had overdosed. He was alive, but in police custody, and we needed to go get his car.

I dreamed about him overdosing when he was overdosing. Womb-mate, I don't want it to end like this. I love you so much even though you think that I don't.

I dream of pizza

I had a "nightmare" on Thursday night.

In the dream, I ate Pizza Hut pizza. And when I say I ate it, I mean I shoved an entire piece in my mouth and tried to choke it down in one bite, much like how wiener dog eats a piece of dropped chicken or some such food he's not supposed to have.

I woke up and I felt sick, like I was going to puke. I am curious if my guts were all a-bubble first and that is why I dreamt that, or if I was sick because I dreamt that.

main-lining self-esteem

Was minding my own business and came across this via a friend of a friend on faceballs.

I present to you, the girl who must have the best personality in the world, my ex's gf after me. goodness gracious!








Fuuuuuck!!!! I might just have to delete this post if I have to look at it every time I log on here. Talk about a self-esteem booster. I'm sure she has a lot of redeeming personality qualities. Probably is not a petty little adolescent retard in disguise (like me?). I'm being really mean right now; she has nothing to do with the dissolving of the (first (oh, that's why)) most important relationship of my adult life. There has got to be some kind of abnormal genetic condition going on. I'll be going through my textbooks and post if I find anything.

July 4th Recap

On Tuesday after work, Matt and I rode our bikes to Lemmon's for a late show. He had been at the cove all afternoon and was about ten beers deep before we even got to the bar. Bands were alright. I was mostly excited to get out of the house and socialize. A lot of people were out since everyone was off on Wednesday for the holiday.

Before we left, Matt insisted that we do a shot of Fireball. If the act of ordering Fireball isn't evidence enough that he was BOMBED!, on the way home, he wrecked his bike three times!! The first time was actually really funny to watch. We came to a T-intersection, and he crashed into a parked car and flipped onto the hood! We did not leave a note. There was a dent in the side panel. His saddle post was fucked, as were the rear brakes. He was fiddling with the brakes for several minutes before I just opened them up so he could pedal. I was concerned, though, that with only front brakes, he might end up going over the handlebars again. He fell off again into the street as soon as he tried to get back on.

He wrecked for a third time coming of the path and onto Loughborough! Landed onto the grass.

We made it back to house sans brain damage and passed the EFF OUT!

On Wednesday, the residents of the Minnesota House were hosting a party/show. There was good crowd. Dudes everywhere. I'm a fan. Lots of sweet patriotic shirts...all sans sleeves, of course. My favorite probably Curt's, which was a bald eagle with a motorcycle helmet and goggles, leather jacket, and riding a moto. AMAZING!! It was still really hot out when I arrived around 530, and I got into the pool. I brought my suit, but I ended up just wading around up to my knees and sitting on the ledge.

There were numerous bands on the bill, first up was Bass-Amp and Dano. I was excited they were play first since they are so pro-'Merica!!

Then everyone's favorite evening bird came out to sing a song:

Up next was The Winchester. I also have video of their set, but haven't uploaded it yet.

Third was Cool Mutants from Evansville, IN. I had never seen them before, but I have met a few of them at previous shows for other bands in which they play. I really liked their sound. And they were wearing sweet vests! Thank you for coming to party with us!

I was outside shooting off fireworks with Angelo, Lew, J-Man and some others for the next two acts.


Then Dude Jams showed up and it was sweet! I was so excited they played here. I had not seen them play since Fest....maybe three years ago? They had driven straight to the party, loaded their gear, played, then seemed to disappear. I saw their drummer and spoke briefly with him before I rolled out. I wish more people had been into them.

Chill Dawgs were last, and it was a complete abortion. Biff was so bombed that he didn't play his guitar, sang half the songs, and actually passed out on the couch before their set was complete!

One of my favorite things about Chill Dawgs shows is that Nighthawk's parents show up, and his dad is especially into it.

I felt like shit all day; glad I was able to use a vacation day. I woke up on the couch at home next to wienus dog and I had a puke bucket next to me on the floor.

Overheard at the bar

Last night I went to Manga for several bands. It was some one's birthday, and a lot of people were there. I parked it at the bar and was hit on by three dudes during the course of the evening.

One was named Tyson. He was cute, but not my type. It was kinda crowded at the bar, and he was standing behind where I was sitting and ordered two beers. He took one, passed the second to me, and then turned around a disappeared for several hours. He came back in later and sat by me, introduced himself, and the conversation didn't go much farther than that.

The second dude who hit on me I don't know what his name was. He was ginger, a vet(eran), and asked me if I in undergrad at SLU (I know I look young, but damn!) We had nice conversation, but I wasn't interested in him. He was really laying it on thick and I knew he wanted my number, but never asked and that was fine.

The third dude who hit on me, I was not interested in, either. He asked me for my number, and I told him that I wouldn't call him back. I ended up giving him my number and I made good on my promise to not call him back when texted me this afternoon.

Okay, so the reason I came here to type this post was because in my conversation with second dude, he observed, "Wow. There are a lot of really good looking women here tonight."

I replied, "Yeah! The Chill Dawgs are playing later! And when they do, all those really good looking women are going to be down in the front dancing!"

And when the Chill Dawgs played, all those really good looking women (myself included!) were down in the front dancing! I spoke to Biff about this later and he laughed, low-fived me, and said that he was admiring the view from center stage!

Their set was def tight and the best I've seen them perform. No one was too shithammered. I like watching Matt play his bass. I texted him before I went to sleep, "good show good show! I like watching you play your bass. Have a good night!"

His reply? "Aw shucks, thanks. Sleep Tight."