Homecoming?

I am going to head up to Chicago on the Amtrak this weekend to visit some friends and just get away. I'm still kinda depressed, but not as much as I was last week.

I went on a pretty significant binge this week. I bought all new clothes for fall/winter, including two coats and a jacket. I also bought some mascara! I am going to be STYLIN'. I need some shoes, though. And my nails painted. I don't know what has come over me that I am putting more stock into my appearance lately. Actually, I know it's Bryan. I like him and I want to look good and feel good about myself when we're together or when we go out. I'm also (still) terrified of another Giuseppe outcome.

Yesterday was a long day. Thursdays are already long, but then we had to work through lunch, and then we had CPR recertification after, and that lasted until 730pm. I didn't have dinner, but I did have a bitchin' migraine. I swung by the mall to see my mom at work on the way home. Then I went to the store and bought a pumpkin and a knife. Bryan said I could come over, and I was excited for us to carve the pumpkin. But he was busy working on his solo exhibition. There were two other friends at the apartment and everyone was having great conversation. It was realy nice. I stayed until midnight even though my head was pounding. My eyes were watering on the drive home from the glare of the lights on the road, but I made it.

I just want so badly to lay next to Bryan on his bed and rest my head on his chest. I think about the day we hung out briefly before I left for Germany. I was super sick, and he had a hockey game, but we hung out for like 45 minutes. And we just laid next to each other on the bed, my head on his chest and he rubbed my back and combed my hair with his fingers. It was so nice.

I am incredibly anxious about the buying a home. I am going to take a break from it for a few months. My skin is all broken out I'm so stressed about it. And its not worth the mental anguish.

So I'm glad to get out of town. I'll get sad again if I end up just sitting around at home all weekend by myself, which is likely to happen since I've been so unmotivated to go out and meet up with people. I did get out of the house this morning, though. Went to the gym for 90 minutes, and it was nice.

Booker wants to meet me at Union Station when I get in and then we can go get lunch. My plan is to bring my pedal bike on the train, but rain is in the forecast, so I'm now unsure about that. He is going on a scavenger hunt at night and then is busy on Sunday, so tomorrow lunch is the only time to hang. And that is actually perfect, because Roy will probably be asleep since he works until 7am.

Then on Saturday night, I want to go see BOTD.

This video is helping me get amped! I love the piano track.

broads cover your nickels

Buying bras is super frustrating. Whenever I see the 38D hanging on the little hanger, I think, "There's no way my boobs are that big." Then I'm standing under horrific florescent lights in the fitting room, staring at my fat tits bulging out the top and sides of the cups.

"Le sigh..."

Patterns

So bike trip didn't happen. Guess I didn't want it badly enough.

I spent my free week near KCMO with my (newly widowed) grandmother, my aunt, and their ornery new puppy. I am a motherfucking dog whisperer.

The house is still very unclean, and I was having difficulty pin-pointing if the allergy symptoms I experienced were from the house or from all the extremely high pollen counts. Probably both.

I was a little frustrated with grandma in that the first day, we went through the closet in the yellow room and she was ready to part with a number of items and we had them in a pile. Some I was going to bring back to STL (to donate), some we were going to donate/sell in KCMO. Then the next day, she went through the pile and took a number of the items/boxes back. And it was all junk!! And all we did was move junk from one location in the house to the basement, which there is no more room down there anymore. I ended up coming back here with five boxes of candles/holders, a box of LPS, a few books, five pieces of clothing, and a sweet vintage bike. Everything is going to be sold/donated except for the bike. It is SUPER HEAVY, and I might decide to sell it anyway since it weighs so much. I need to fix it first. It needs new tubes, and the front break lines need tweaking.

We went to eat at Justus Drugstore on Wednesday night. It was excellent. Everything is cooked to order using local-grown ingredients. I didn't get any cocktails, but Patty had a Sangria.

Thursday was pretty low-key. Then Friday...it was a miracle! Grandma decided that she was ready to get rid of some items, and we took two car loads of clothes, shoes, and books to a thrift store!

I called Bryan on Wednesday evening; he was out and about on Delmar. We spoke for nearly 40 minutes, and it was so nice! I'm really glad that he picked up and that we had a chance to talk. I haven't felt very close to him for several weeks, and I actually cried in the car on the way home from his opening at the Chess Hall of Fame last week because I felt like a fool being there. I want to think that its because he is busy with his art show stuff, but I think that he is over me. I'm not surprised if it's already ran its course; this is usually about the time I get the ol' "You're the sweetest girl, but...." And I feel like a fucking idiot! I know I need to take the hint, but I want to hear it spoken out loud.

I've felt pretty bummed out all day; more than usual. I admit that I've been stressed, depressed and thinking terrible things. I agreed to play kickball on a league, and it was canceled today. I was not notified that the games had been canceled, and I was was pretty frustrated when I got to the park and no one was there. What a waste of driving 45 miles! I kinda don't want to play anymore.

Andrew called me tonight. He was in a horrific car accident a few weeks ago and had to have surgery to reconstruct his pelvis and femur. He is now at home, but is pretty helpless. He was in pain and called me to get his mind off of it. His mom and aunt are helping him out at home and they monitor his medication so he doesn't get hooked on it. He had another 90 minutes before he could take another and the previous dose was wearing off. My heart went out to him, and it was nice to talk. He can't walk/leave the house. But when he is more mobile, I told him I will come pick him up and we'll go get food or see a movie. After speaking to Andrew, I didn't feel as sorry for myself/sad as I have felt all week. I also looked up the spring '13 schedule for school. I need just one more class, and registration opens in three weeks.

Pedal Report: Bambi Prix recap

Went out on Ex-Girlfriend again, usual loop.

I was coming up Levee Rd toward Bottom Rd and to the west, about 25yds off the road, I saw two adolescent deer. I'm fairly certain they are the same two that ran alongside me back over the summer.

One started swishing it's tail, I would like to think with happiness to see me, much like a dog, but more likely there was a fly or something to shoo.

I had just been thinking about these two just a minute prior when I pedaled by the field (which has not been harvested) where they ran alongside me before.

Unspecified Surgical Procedure, By Report

Last week we removed a mucous retention cyst from the right maxillary sinus of a 50yo male. We went in through the lateral wall and sucked the cyst, which was a liquid, up into a 3mL syringe and expelled it into a glass dappen dish. By the end of the procedure, it had "jellied" and was quite jiggly, a weird mix of solid/liquid. It took the shape of the dish and was about 17mm in diameter and bright orange.

I was super excited about this procedure and had been looking forward to it since I saw the CT last month. Then today, my afternoon patient shot himself in his own eye...TWICE...with his own arterial bleeding. I nearly died!!!!

Grandpa How-Do: 1923 - 2012

My mom texted me on Sun 9/2 at 230am to call her. I was at a bar in San Diego seeing bands and didn't call her back until the next afternoon. But I already knew.

Grandpa had died on Saturday at around 10:30pm.

The funeral was on Wednesday in their small town outside of KCMO. All the cousins and aunts and uncles were there. So was nearly everyone in town. It was overwhelming how many people came out for the visitation, mainly because since the Labor Day Holiday, the newspaper offices were closed and the obit was never put in prior to the service. So this was all via word of mouth.

Since grandpa served in WWII, he was given a full military burial with a 21 gun salute. I nearly lost it when the bugle started playing TAPS. There were three enlisted soldiers near the grave site, two of whom presented my grandmother with a folded flag.

The 21 gun salute came from 3 round each of 7 old men from the American Legion.

After, we went back to the church for lunch, then to the house to socialize before heading home.

It was kinda weird being in the house because all of grandpa's stuff was there...toothbrush, walker at the top of the stairs, pillow on the recliner, just like he had never left.

At the service, the pastor told a story:

He had been to the house several times over the past year to visit with my grandparents. My grandmother would often stay downstairs next to the cot where my grandpa slept. He would wake up and say, "Go to bed, Marilyn." And she'd go upstairs to bed.

The night Walt died, the pastor was at the house, and Marilyn was sitting next to Walt, holding his hand. He was in a lot of pain and the hospice nurses were trying to get his pain under control. When it was under control, my grandma said, "I'm going to go upstairs to bed now, Walt." And she did. And then he died shortly after.

I teared up in the church when the pastor told us this story, and I am tearing up a little bit now typing this out.

At the funeral, Uncle Fred was the only one who spoke, and he told a funny story about the first time he met Walt, which was at a Mizzou football game back in...'76?

A lot of nice things were said later on at the house, and there were several collages of photographs spanning his lifetime. The funniest being one of him sunning on a lawn chair in red swim trunks and a white shirt. Funny because he NEVER went out in the sun and was actually extremely pale for as long as I can remember. He did, however, until the end, have the hairline of a 30 year old. Thick, white, smooth hair that hadn't receded a single inch.

Burn Down the House Move to San Diego

So last weekend (Labor Day Weekend) I made my second annual trek out to San Diego for Awesome Fest 666. I was excited to get down on delicious veg food, party with friends, see west coast bands that don't play here too often, and surf, which is something I have never done. Surfing didn't happen because of a southern swell and subsequent crazy huge waves (huge for a first-timer, at least). But Alf and I did go snorkeling in La Jolla. There were seals, too!

Bryan and I rode our bikes to the Ballroom on Thursday evening and closed the place down. Back at his house, we made out for a long time, then we banged out, which was the first time we've done it since we started hanging out six weeks ago, which has got to be some kind of record!

He drive me to the airport on Friday morning and I left for San Diego, with a layover in KCMO. I was hoping that in KCMO I would have had a chance to swing by my grandparents' house to see Grandfather Halferty since he had been super sick, in hospice, and probably was going to die while I was away for the weekend, which would have been the last time I would have had a chance to see him. I was unable to go to the house.

20 minutes into the flight from KCMO to San Diego, the dude in front of my OD'ed. He was boozed up and ate a Xanax and the flight attendants were on the intercom asking if there were any doctors on board. They were having a hard time taking his vitals because the engine was so loud and his pulse was so faint! Dude survived and we didn't have to make any emergency landings.

Sam Bot picked me up at the airport in his new painting van! We ran a few errands, got some delicious veg food (faux ham fried wontons! WHAT!??!). Then we headed to North Park to get the party weekend started. We picked up our packets at Soda then went to LIVEWIRE and LaFayette to meet up with other STL people. Biff was there, and I asked him if he had fallen in love yet. "Of course!" HAHAHAHAHA!

Long story short....Bands and friends all night Friday night!

Here with Paul and Lew:

















With everyone's favorite evening bird:



















Beach/snorkeling (with seals!) in La Jolla with Alf! First time in Pacific Ocean. Surf was huge!





















Beach/adult bevs at private military beach on Coronado!

Bands all day Saturday night!

Bands all day on Sunday!

I was actually sick of seeing bands by Sunday night and wanted to just chill at home and watch tv. So I did, and it was everything I wanted it to be!

I ate delicious burritors, veg pizza, and southern friend vegan.

My allergies have been going crazy in STL, but after being in San Diego for only five minutes, my sinuses opened up and I could breath easily the whole weekend!

I was very excited to see friends and have a great time, but I was also ready to come back home.

Bryan picked me up at the airport and we went to got some food on South Grand.