Homecoming?

I am going to head up to Chicago on the Amtrak this weekend to visit some friends and just get away. I'm still kinda depressed, but not as much as I was last week.

I went on a pretty significant binge this week. I bought all new clothes for fall/winter, including two coats and a jacket. I also bought some mascara! I am going to be STYLIN'. I need some shoes, though. And my nails painted. I don't know what has come over me that I am putting more stock into my appearance lately. Actually, I know it's Bryan. I like him and I want to look good and feel good about myself when we're together or when we go out. I'm also (still) terrified of another Giuseppe outcome.

Yesterday was a long day. Thursdays are already long, but then we had to work through lunch, and then we had CPR recertification after, and that lasted until 730pm. I didn't have dinner, but I did have a bitchin' migraine. I swung by the mall to see my mom at work on the way home. Then I went to the store and bought a pumpkin and a knife. Bryan said I could come over, and I was excited for us to carve the pumpkin. But he was busy working on his solo exhibition. There were two other friends at the apartment and everyone was having great conversation. It was realy nice. I stayed until midnight even though my head was pounding. My eyes were watering on the drive home from the glare of the lights on the road, but I made it.

I just want so badly to lay next to Bryan on his bed and rest my head on his chest. I think about the day we hung out briefly before I left for Germany. I was super sick, and he had a hockey game, but we hung out for like 45 minutes. And we just laid next to each other on the bed, my head on his chest and he rubbed my back and combed my hair with his fingers. It was so nice.

I am incredibly anxious about the buying a home. I am going to take a break from it for a few months. My skin is all broken out I'm so stressed about it. And its not worth the mental anguish.

So I'm glad to get out of town. I'll get sad again if I end up just sitting around at home all weekend by myself, which is likely to happen since I've been so unmotivated to go out and meet up with people. I did get out of the house this morning, though. Went to the gym for 90 minutes, and it was nice.

Booker wants to meet me at Union Station when I get in and then we can go get lunch. My plan is to bring my pedal bike on the train, but rain is in the forecast, so I'm now unsure about that. He is going on a scavenger hunt at night and then is busy on Sunday, so tomorrow lunch is the only time to hang. And that is actually perfect, because Roy will probably be asleep since he works until 7am.

Then on Saturday night, I want to go see BOTD.

This video is helping me get amped! I love the piano track.