...or Cherry Dr. Pepper.
I've been on the fence about this one, and after much debate, decided that I am a fucking adult and dropped the card in the mail.
My sweet dude who broke it off via text last month's birthday is today, and I have been back and forth about sending a card.
My argument for not was uncertainty that my intentions were not 100% pure. Perhaps a sincere note could actually be a slap in the face? A gloating air that I am the better/more mature person? Or maybe it would give me the proverbial last word, since I didn't respond to the final text. Perhaps it would even be somewhat of a sore spot/salt on a wound type reaction? Although my uncertainty was with "look at me, I'm the better person" train of thought, I'm not sure of the thoughts of the other party and don't want to be obnoxious or perceived as cruel or an idiot.
I did decide to send the card. I was against it all last week, but then I saw Bryan at the lotto show on Saturday. No eye contact was made, but I did see him across the room. He seemed to have been there solo. I just want him to know that I hope/want/know we can be cool seeing each other out. Like, a wave or quick smile. No awkwardness. I understand that things don't work out all the time, or people have a change of heart, or timing is bad, etc. That last thing I want is some one to remain in a situation he doesn't want. I also do sincerely hope that he figures out what he wants. I have periods of darkness, and I know the pain of those depths, and I don't like to see anyone distraught or suffering.
I opted for a card because it is more personal and because I truly believe that I am not alone in my excitement in getting real mail. The surprise of correspondence that is neither junk nor bill.
The stamp, post-mark, handwritten address.
Physically opening the envelope, the anticipation of the written text, studying the style of the letters and noticing how a person loops the cross of her "t" in one stroke into the next letter. Are the down strokes of the "y" or "g" happy and bubbly, or are they hard and straight? Are the letters sloppy, or slanted, or patient and precise?
I went to the store and selected a card that was very appropriate. It's a simple design with a drawing of a beer can. The text on the front reads, "It's your birthday! That calls for a beer!" On the inside, "Doesn't everything? Hope it's happy!"
Simple. Not sappy. Neutral. Light. Not cute. Playful.
I thought for a long time about what I wanted to write on the inside. I remember an article I read over the summer about how the 33rd year was allegedly the most happy, and I remember us having a conversation about it.
The text I wrote follows:
"I sincerely hope that your 33rd year is the best yet! I enjoyed your company; you made me smile and feel good about myself, and while I'm disappointed that the situation ended the way it did, I understand and appreciate that things don't always work out, people have a change of heart, timing is bad, etc. I wish you happiness and luck in the coming year, figuring out and finding what you want."
A heartfelt note that does express how I feel. It also has a tone of goodbye in it.
Possibly even forgiveness.
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