For the Record

Current mood:bar time is 6:30

i received a check in the mail, sent to my parents' address, from the city of carbondale, for a sum of $93. i have no idea what this is for/from. its literally just a check, made out in my name, from the city of carbondale, for the sum of $93. i was cited for riding my bicycle on the street on 10-31-01, but the fine was only $76, so there would be no reason to refund me $93.

cloud mouth is currently my favorite chicago band. dudes shred. i went to see them on tuesday. of all the spots in the room i could have walked to and all the people i could have stood next to, i ended up by giuseppe. i was surprised by this and not ready for it at all. but my mom helped me put things in to perspective when i talked to her later in the night, and i am grateful for that and also for the fact that he was not in attendance with some one else and also for the fact that he was nice to me. i felt painfully out of sorts. i know that i'm not ready. but i don't know if i am being too stubborn for my own good.

my cousin and his wife are having their wedding reception in maryland at the end of march. i'm on the fence if i want to go to it. i really loathe those stuffy, formal, family obligations, although this particular cousin i am particularly fond of. he's always been really laid back and generally a much better person to me than his sister, who is the only other family i've had the experience of going to a stuffy, formal, family wedding for. besides, my tattoos won't go over well at all.

school starts on tuesday. i have only three classes left to take and then i'm done with the required pre-reqs. i am going to take the DAT in june and have my application ready to submit electronically by june 1st. then i am going to keep my fingers crossed that i get invited for an interview. included in the cost of the DAT, i get my scores forwarded to up to five schools. i have chosen UIC, kentucky, LSU, nebraska, and new jersery. if i get in on my first try, i would matriculate in august 2011.

my new favorite activity is ice skating. i went twice this week. its free to go skate at various chicago parks if you have your own skates. i skated for 45 minutes today. its quite tiring, but a nice physical activity. its also nice to get some fresh air and also some time to process my thoughts as i'm skating around and around in circles. i also laugh at the little kids who are there. some are terrible, clinging to their parents, and some are fearless and whizzing around and darting around the other skaters. its very fun to watch.

our blue recycle bin out in the alley has a cracked lid. it will with water when it rains/snows, and last night it was overflowing with melt water from the gutter on the garage. i tried to pour it out but it was too heavy i couldn't even get it to budge. i threw my recycling into the neighbor's bin instead. i talked to my mom again and she recommended that i take a hammer and nail and put a few little puncture holes near the bottom and the water will slowly drain out. that's a great idea, and way easier than if i got a bucket and slowly emptied the water until i could tip the bin over.


i am rambling. i am avoiding something. i am confused and nervous and a little intoxicated. here's rancid covering op ivy b/c believe it or not, the quality of the audio is way better than any other live recording i found on youtube, minus the album version with just the cover art. but looking at cover art is boring compared to watching a live performace, and i don't like green day's version. and that's fine!

Greetings from the Gulf!

Current mood:conflicted

yo! so i just got back to chicago from being in tampa since last wed. i drove down there with johnny and we stayed with my sister at her condo. it was cold there, but still waaay warmer than chicago and of course there was no snow. we had a good time! ironically enough, johnny's roommate joe was down there the same time as us visiting a girl he used to see, and we all met up for food one night. my sister laughed because we were always eating or planning all our activities around food! haha!

we got into town on thursday afternoon after a 21 hour drive. we stopped in gainseville at 9am to get food on the way. we went to a beach on thursday afternoon and waded out to our ankels, skipped some rocks. it was pretty chilly but i was glad the the sun was out! i haven't seen the sun in a while!






then thursday night we went to eat at a place called grass root, which was similiar to the soul veg chain of restaurants but it was not affiliated with them. it was delicious! i got the sunshine burger b/c i really wanted some bread/carbs. johnny got the parmesan. it was quite satisfying!




friday we went to st pete which is across the bay and went to the museum of fine arts. we all had student IDs and got in for a good price and saw lots of painting and photos, which is my favorite type of art to see at a museum. i don't much care for sculpture or antiques and such, which there was some of that type of stuff of display.







then we went to a raw veg place called leafy greens. it was also delicious! sally got zuccini spaghetti. i had never even seen/heard about preparing a zuccini or squash like that and am definitely interested in trying it at home. just as we finished eating, johnny got a call from some friends that he knew from school who were living down in tampa, and they invited us out for dinner about two hours later!! so of course we met up. we went to a place called trang vietnamese. they served meat there, but about six pages of the menu was all vegan selections...from appetizers, soups, rolls, entrees, desserts. it was also delicious! i got a soup and curry chick-un to split with sally. it was fun to go to that with a group; there were seven of us.

friday night after dinner my sister, johnny, and me went bowling. the special that night was three games and a drink ticket for $14, so we did that. it was a lot of fun. and johnny was teasing salsauce b/c the guy who was working at the counter signing everyone up and handing out the shoes looked like joakim noah and he kept smiling at her, "hope that wait wasn't too long for ya!" AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

the first game, johnny only scored 78 points, and i had 126 and my sis 123. she told johnny that he couldn't bowl with us if he couldn't score over 100, so he whipped our asses on the next two games and scored like 178 on one game! it was a lot of fun. we had a few pitchers of beer and there was music playing and strobe/black lights. johnny's jam came over the speakers and he bowled a strike. the celebration included lots of pelvic thrusts and lots of the surrounding lanes were laughing at us; it was so funny!













saturday we went to the flea market. it was amazing!! seriously...anything you can think of, was for sale there. i almost bought a knife, like one that would fit in my pocket. but we were there for the produce.



i was excited that florida has fresh fruits and vegetables for sale pretty much right off the farm, and we got bell peppers, beets, strawberries, oranges, and the biggest avacado i have ever seen.



after the flea market we went to an area of tampa calle ybur city. its more of an urban area, large gay population and lots of clubs and independently owned restaurants, bars, and retail shops. heard some cop tell a mom that after dark this was going to be no place for kids. there is also a theater there called the improv. we looked in to going to see a show there, but tix were $20 and we didn't want to pay that much. no big deal, though.








we walked around ybor, met up with some more people for lunch at a greek place and then met up again for dinner with joe and his girl for dinner at grass root again. both my friend johnny and his roommate joe has "VEGAN" tattooed across their right wrist. my sister saw them together and commented that our cousin mike had the same thing. the both immediately sparked up and asked us, "mike luce?" 'yeah. he's our cousin. his mom and our mom our sisters.' they knew mike from a bunch of animal rights stuff they were involved with ten+ years ago, and that is why they all got the same tattoo. small world.

after dinner we tried to find a karaoke bar, but to no avail. went home and chilled at the house and by chill i mean johnny and salsauce drank half a fifth of bacardi and i downed four tall cans of busch. hung out again on sunday, made dinner and left about 630pm tampa time. got home about 1pm chicago time. we had to stop for a nap at a rest stop in indiana b/c both of us were too tired to stay awake to drive.

all in all, a good trip. i really needed a break from chicago. the day we left, a storm was headed in, and there was 8in of snow accumulation. no big whoop, but i was glad to avoid it. also, i've been pretty majorly depressed and i like to run away from problems. but i know geography isn't going to change who i am or make everything suddenly okay when its not. even as i type that, in other open tabs on my mozilla browser, include school information for florida and the ada. my mom told me i should call guiseppe and ask him to meet for a sandwich, so i texted him instead. he said he was working, so that is that. he's going out of town this week, and perhaps we'll meet up when he gets back. not holding my breath. school starts next week. i could potentially be out of here within 17 weeks.

current conditions:
air temp: 27 F
visibility: clear
sunset: 4:40pm

Burn down the house and move to Tampa.

Current mood:more vox in the monitor

another sleepless night.

i don't think for a second that i am the only one who has a difficult time around the holidays and this year was no exception. i'm clouded and confused and having a difficult time focusing on important things for which i am thankful, such as my family, good health this year, and the fact that i am happily employed with the end of school in sight. some days i want to fuck up everything i've put some much effort into and run away for stupid reasons that won't matter to me in a short time from now. but i am stubborn as hell and i won't let go of the fact that my heart is somewhere under my bed covered in dust bunnies.

i use the excuse that its too cold out and i don't want to leave the house but the truth is that i am severely depressed and i can't find the energy to get myself up. i had loose plans to drive to a show tonight but when my friend backed out and another got a ride with other people, i legit could not get up to leave the house. i don't want to go out and see people having a good time, i sure as hell don't want/need to drink alcohol/any depressant drugs, and i have absolutely no desire to meet boys or begin to sift through the sea of single shithead dudes in chicago. i started to cry over the phone when my mom called me which made my sinuses flair up and my head start to ache.

i did go to a show when i was back home in stl. it was on xmas night, and i saw a lot of people and it was fun but things are different. its obvious that i don't live in stl anymore and things are changed. when i was home i didn't call anyone to hang out, and no one called me.

this is not the blog i wanted to write as 2009 came to a close and as 2010 and a new decade was ushered in. for the past week or so i have been trying to remember cool shit/good things that happened in 2009 so i could recap the year into a blog of happy times that i could re-read and remember, but i feel like 2009 really sped by unmemorable. i worked 346 days out of 365 and went to school four nights a week and time has pretty much passed unremarkable. yeah i went to shows and stuff but nothing that was totally awesome or exceptional or that i hadn't already seen. i met an awesome boy at the end of summer and had a fantastic fall. it was actually bearable. i didn't take notice of the darkness at 4:30 and the month-long gloom of october. i had something to look forward to.

a boy! a stupid boy! this is what i'm so upset about? even as i'm typing this and rereading it, i sound like a lame little baby! and we all know that only babies cry! like i said, i am stubborn and not enough time has passed for me. i know people come and go in our lives all the time.

i'm leaving for florida on wednesday afternoon.