What does your Squidblade look like?

recap of last seven days. what a roller coaster! i have been so exhausted i slept 11 hours last night!

shedd was free general admission all last week, and i left work early on thursday to go there in the afternoon. new boy and i met up at life on mars (of course!) to get food before driving down there. it was a lot of fun. we got there at about 330pm so there were no school groups but there still was a decent of people and families with little kids. it wasn't too crazy, though. the aquarium is at such a nice location. i like looking at the lake and seeing that skyline!

as for the exhibits, we saw the circular carribbean reef in the middle with all kinds of rays, nurse sharks, a huge turtle named nickel that had buoyancy problems, and all sorts of colorful fish. there was also a scuba diver in there cleaning all the rocks.

there was also a huge exhibit for various amazon habitats. there were paranas (i'm unsure where in "h" goes), turtles, rays, lizards, monkeys, a fucking 26 foot long anaconda!, tree frogs, other various huge fish. it was pretty awesome. saw the little cage where the spider was housed and avoided it.

there was also an exhibit for freshwater lakes and rivers of north america. saw the usual...carp, bass, bluegill, turtles, etc. they also had asian carp, and zebra mussels! those last two were featured in a section about invasive species affecting the local ecosystem.

then there was the ocean exhibit. i really liked looking at the tanks with the starfish, cucumbers, urchins, and anenomes. i like the colors! they also had a bunch of giant crabs. there were two tanks that the glass was magnified, and these housed the seahorses and then sea dragons. i love seahorses, and it was cool to see so many of them in the tank together. their little tails were wrapped around the seaweed. and the sea dragons were awesome. they were kind of floating around, and their swimming appendages looked like plant leaves.

new boy drove me back home before he left for work. i already know he doesn't want to hang out with me again. i was a little upset but i really don't care.

on friday, i headed back to stl. i went out to get food and margaritas with my parents and we had a good discussion about plans i have next fall. while i love chicago socially (and by socially i pretty much mean shows and food), i do not have it in me to stick it out another winter. i feel just like i did when i was ready to leave stl. in a dark place. totally drained. hating life. my number one choice for relocation is florida. i have been waiting to make a decision until i find out what the summer school session is and if i can get into a class i need. the summer schedule was posted yesterday, and i will not be able to get into the class i need. so do i stick it out for summer up here? working and running around? summer here is awesome! or do i leave and go on that adventure i've been promising myself for the past five years?

after dinner and nice conversation with my parents they drove me to the show. it was in the basement of the cranky yellow publishing store on cherokee. it was a cool place. lots of funky clothes and merchandise and a section of books and a zine collective. the basement was pretty awesome, too. very deep and there was kind of a lot of people there.

the bands that played were doomtown (not too bad, it was their first show), squidblade (i thought they were pretty good when i saw them at lemmon's on xmas but they were great tonight!), wifflers (not a solid set. too wasted to play the songs. although shaun was all up on the mic singing silly stuff, such as "what does your squidblade look like?" a la "i live in hell"). then the copyrights played. holy shit! this was the reason i was here! birthday celebration and the copyrights in a freaking basement in stl and people actually showed up and it was absolute chaos.

they played so hard! and we sang so loud! and beer and cans were flying everywhere. i was hoarse and soaked in beer when they were done. the best i have ever seen them play was at market street pub at fest 7, and either this basement set or the set over the summer at sub-t might was the second. they played all songs off of learn the hard way and make sound, some of the newer split 7s stuff, and like two off mutiny pop.

humanoids played last. i was almost blacked out when they played, and only caught the last maybe four songs b/c i was up outside on the street saying goodnight to krissy and talking with some other people.

after the show, nate and chris gave me a ride back to my parents' house, but not before we went to manga. i do not really remember being there. i left and went next door to the city diner and got a veg sandwich. nate came over and sat by me at the counter and ordered some food, too. we went back to manga and i vaguely remember ripping another poster off the wall before we all left.

puked everywhere when i got home. slept in my bro's room cuz he's M.I.A. and my parents are remodeling the house and all kind of bullshit is stored in my room.

saturday was great. it was like 58F in stl on saturday and i went out on the bike to the levee. it was awesome. i haven't really exercised much since october so i didn't go too far, and i encountered two other bikes and five people walking. i also encountered one pitbull. it came tearing around a farmhouse i was passing on the other side of the road, barking and chasing after me. i started screaming and pedaling faster and kicking at it while it was biting at my feet on the pedals. i was terrified. the farm house had three horses chilling in a pen and two other dogs tied up in big cages, but this one was loose and pissed. when i got to the T-intersection at the end of the lane, the dog stopped chasing me and my heart didn't stop racing until i got back into town. jeez!

saturday night i left to come back to chicago with my car all maintained and new tires that my mom and dad bought for my birthday. i got 100 miles south of chicago and the car overheated. i stopped on the side of 55 and cut the engine immediately. i was in the middle of nowhere, could not even see lights of any town that might be nearby. i had my hazards on, but cars and semis where zipping by, not slowing down or moving over. it was very intimidating! after about ten minutes of trying to get the hood open (it was so dark i couldn't even see the latch), i started the car and drove very slowly with the hazards on to next exit and pulled into a gas station. i called some people, and johnny and rich left the show they were at and came and picked me up. i am very grateful for that. we got back into the city at like 330am. what a day!

i called off work on sunday and had the car towed. not having it was a huge hassle. i took metra to work on monday and tuesday, which is fine. its a 1.5 miles away from my house, which i need 30 min to walk there when there is snow like this on the ground. but after work i had to get to school, and that was not easy via cta. it was a bus-train-bus and took 2:15 and cost like $8. luckily, a classmate was able to drive me home. same thing on tuesday. bus-train-bus, and roy drove me home. forever grateful.

i was ready to throw in the towel when i woke up this morning. i started bleeding last night. i'm very worried about it b/c that should not be the case right now. i know i've been feeling lousy mentally, and i feel even worse physically. i attributed the general malaise to the depression and stress, and i hope that is all it is. i was fine at the follow up appt back in october and now this?

then i got a call from my dad. my car is fixed! i am taking an amtrak train this evening to go get it and drive it back home. i was so worried that i was going to be an engine rebuild like last time when it overheated b/c it was the same type of situation all over again, but it was just a head gasket on the radiator and a new thermostat. the car situation being resolved is a huge burden off my shoulders and i am so grateful that its not a rebuild b/c i don't have money for that but i also don't have money to make a car payment.

also, i have a crush on some one. his name is Andrew (why wouldn't it be?) and he's young (22. barely.) he's approached me twice, so i might have that backwards.

p.s.s. the mac and cheese at life on mars = #1 most fav comfort food. potato leek soup = close second.

p.sx3. i feel better already. i will not be enclosing a video with this post.

current conditions:
temp: 28F
wind: 14 NW
vis: 10 mi.
sunset: 535pm

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Maybe tomorrow I won't be miserable and looking for an exit

.....what the hell happened?

whisky happened.

yesterday was my 29th birthday. the truth is that it was a pretty shitty day. just general feelings of sadness that i can't seem to shake. i haven't been sleeping well for the past month, and i just feel exhausted all the time. woke up early for work, sat at work alonelylonelylone at the desk. we did see a few patients so that was good. the doctor whose office is across the hall from us is closing because there are not enough patients coming in. he employed four people. the front desk girl came over and brought us some fat tuesday pastries and said goodbye. left work early and ran home to relax before school. there is a new restaurant down the street called life on mars that i have been wanting to check out. i had previously gone there twice and it was closed. i left work early yesterday b/c i wanted to go there for dinner, but they were out of some of the stuff i wanted. and i didn't like the girl out the counter. so i left and went home and made pizza. then i had school until 945.

came home and was feeling exceptionally down, ready to just go to sleep and try again tomorrow. but carl got in touch when he was finished delivering at lou's and told me he was at the mutiny. i decided to salvage anything that might be salvagable and i pedaled on over. ed was at the door and said hello, asked about school, and bought me a beer. it was also the bar back/doorman's birthday, and another of carl's friend's birthdays. people were buying us all shots and drinks and before i knew, whisky happened again. i totally blacked out.

i have no idea what happened or how i got home. i ripped some poster off the wall at the bar and rolled it up into my back pocket. sometime during the night i got up out of my bed, walked over to the stand where my turntable is, lifted the lid, and peed on it. i don't remember doing that either, but there's definitely piss on it. luckily its all mechanical so it probably still works, and i was so wasted that my piss was pretty much straight water and alcohol so it didn't smell. i'm still letting it air out in the bathtub for a bit.

i was sooo hungover this morning. my stomach was absolutely empty and i didn't have any food prepared at home. i thought i was going to pass out i was so hungry and nauseaus. i decided that i would give life on mars one more try since its close by and i needed something nutritious to soak all this up. i got there at about 2pm and there was two people in front of me and two people behind me. i thought this was a good sign b/c i know they have a niche market and i'd like to see them succeed. i got a bbq rib style seitan sandwich, a matzo ball soup, and a side of mac and cheese. the soup was excellent and came with a huge kaiser roll. the mac and cheese was also good. a little heat behind it, too. the sandwich was huge and it was okay. the seitan was very compressed and a little dry, like maybe the sauce didn't have a chance to infiltrate all the way in. but the sauce was tasty, and a little heat too. the bread was made in house and really fluffy. i couldn't eat all of it and am saving the rest for dinner.

other than the lingering physical sickness from the alcohol, i feel alright today. maybe it was all the cutting loose last night. plus, there is some stuff i'm looking forward to:

i am going back to stl on fri. my parents were up here last week visiting and they took my car back to stl to have it maintained. i am going to go see copyrights in a basement on fri night then i will drive my car back to chi on saturday. i am looking forward to that.

also, shedd aquarium is free admission all week. i took the afternoon off work tomorrow and am going to go there before school. carl warned me about a gigantic spider in one the display cases, so i will be avoiding that. gross.

unrelated note: i have been to revolution brewery twice now. i went last monday with a new boy who was a total goofball. he was pretty awesome and silly but i am a fortress. i am so guarded and still kind of holding out for some one who i know deep down isn't coming back. but the place was packed like a weekend. i got an awesome grilled tofu sandwich with a sun-dried tomato spread and the cross of gold. my my there were some points in that draft.

i went back on friday night with my dad. it was balls to the wall. we rolled in at like 11pm after i impressed him with my parallel parking skills right out front. we were able to get a table b/c there were only two of us and also because we were going to order some food. again it was a positive experience.

since there is no video of dear landlord performing 'landlocked', i am enclosing the dopamine's performing 'worstest case scenerio' in a basement. i love this band. they are coming here in march. psyched on it! although i will probably start crying like a little cry baby if they play 'navigation point', which why wouldn't they play that song?




current conditions:
air temp: 33F
wind: W 12
sunset: 526pm (suck on that, S.A.D.)