Geometry

Current mood: hungry

there have been creepazoids at the pool the past week. young(er) dudes who go underwater and watch me do the flip turns.

or who wait for me to get to the end and then push off just before i flip and race to the other end.

this happens when i'm in the middle of a set and usually getting tired. for my sets, i always do multiples of 4.

a set will typically look like this:

1 x 400
2 x 200
4 x 100

or

4 x 200
4 x 100
4 x 200

i also like

4 x (1 x 200, 2 x 100)

200 is my favorite distance for racing and for training. 400 is also a good training distance b/c you can rack up a lot of yardage quickly. i'll do repeat 100s if i'm felling lazy or my shoulder acts up, which the left one did a little on wednesday. probably b/c i did too much last time.

but back to the task: creepazoids, young(er) dudes pushing off just before me and racing to the other end, usually when i've been going for a while and am winded. and they only race me for one lap. sorry, dude, but races are only 25yds for 8 year old kids.

also, i am not impressed by anyone who gets into the pool and does fly for warmup. that kind of behavior immediately tags you as having no idea what the fuck you are doing.

this blog makes no sense. i'm procrastinating. i am also making plans (the good kind). right now they are 99% being mulled over in my brain. i have only made 1% action, possibly 2%. when i think it over some more, talk to my boss, and talk to my doctor in may i will feel more comfortable making a decision.

i like to come to myspace to listen to music. i do not like how after like four songs, an advertisement comes up that stops the player and you have to click on it to continue listening.

i have also stayed up til past 130am three nights in a row watching that dang "twilight" movie on youtube.

i went to the library and checked out some books on quilting. i am considering sewing a quilt (stitch by hand not machine) as a project for this summer. i have lots of ideas for patterns.

school was canceled tonight. i didn't find out until i showed up 45 minutes late and the classroom was dark and there was a note on the door. i am usually 45 minutes early, and sit in the library and go over my notes/homework b/c i am a model student who makes non-model students want to puke. but today work ran waaaay late. i didn't go in on monday, so i guess i made up for lost hours.




current conditions in chicago:
temp: 48F
visibility: clear
wind: E 13mph
bike rack: broken

I'm not crazy, just frustrated

trying to hold it together. i hover in my own little niche just above the poverty line, and i qualified to have my taxes filed for free this year.

turns out, i owe the federal government $398, and the state of illinois $79. i don't understand how this is possible. every year its the same thing. i have two legit jobs and i go to school. i pay for school out of my own pocket as i go along. i also have fucking cervical cancer. i found out last fall, the same day i lost my job that provided me with medical insurance. the same day that a boy i liked and had been talking to told me he met another girl at a party and was going to hang out with her instead. blood oozes out of my rotten cunt when i'm asleep at night and it feels like my uterus is trying to kill me most days. massive blinding headaches that last for days. i find myself doubled over in the shower at night waiting for it to stop already.

not wanting to be a drag, i still run around and smile and pretend everything is alright and make new friends and go out to new places with out town friends before heading out to a show, supporting old friends from stl who come up here to play, inviting old friends who are still important to me for who-the-hell-knows-why to go get pizza on a wednesday. looking forward to trips out of town this summer. this past weekend i applied to go to school in mpls. i probably won't go through with it beyond the application. i am also enrolled at my current school in chicago for summer session and also next fall. so i guess my bases are covered.

anyway, i owe some money. its not really THAT much, especially when compared to the statements i get from the hospital where i had my two surgeries last fall. but that's a month's rent payment. and its more than i have right now. i am also a month behind already right now b/c the third roommate moved out last month and the other two of us had to pay for his share. i feel like everytime i am just starting to gain some ground, i get knocked back to where i started. when will i be rewarded for being a responsible female? i have been plugging away with work and school for so long, and its want i want to do, and i am currently having difficulty being patient about it. maybe i should just crap out some bastard kids and drop out of school?

dropping out of school is easy.
moving back to my parents' house is easy.
killing myself with alcohol is easy.
gaining fifteen pounds is easy.

but i'm not one to take the easy route. i never have been.


here's screeching weasel performing six percent, which i feel is appropriate.




don't let anyone tell you you better grow up soon or face the
consequences of a life not planned out. that's exactly what you need.
i'm here to tell you leave the bullshit you've been taught behind and
find out for yourself that work is slavery and it makes you a slave.
and i know it's easy for somebody like me to say. but i dropped that
fucking life and i don't regret the bridges that i burned, mistakes i
made; they're what i learned from. yes, you've gotta pay the rent and
feed yourself and then pay all the bills and taxes 'til you're ready to
explode and kill yourself and those who get in your way. don't
misunderstand me- i'm just trying to remind you that your life is not
tv and things don't just work out; most of the time you're miserable.
the american dream is a big fucking lie; a wild goose chase. you're
here to make the richest six percent a little richer.



don't you want something better? don't you want something that lasts?
they're not your friends- they're your masters and they don't care if
you live or die. you've gotta get out on your own. you've gotta get out
of this stupid town and try to live for once instead of just existing.
and i guarantee that pretty soon you're gonna see that things aren't
half as good or as bad as they used to seem now that you're a thorn in
the side of society; now that you're part of the problem; the ruination
of a system that keeps you down, steals your money and your hope and
then smacks you around. don't you want to get out of this town? don't
you want to get out of this fucking life?


current conditions in chicago:
temp: 37F
precipitation: rainy
visibility: cloudy